Go Back In · Week 4 Complete · The series continues

Many years ago I left an eleven-year career and started over at the bottom of a different field — one I had a degree for and no standing in whatsoever. The move cost me over half my salary a year. It was my own decision. Use the degree, or watch it quietly expire from sitting too long.

People hear the number and assume the pay cut was the hard part. It was not. This was long before anything in my life could be called comfortable, and the money was a real loss, but it is not what I remember.

What it actually cost

What it cost me was the confidence. Eleven years had made me sure-footed — the person who knew the room, who had the answer before the question finished. I walked into a new field as the man who knew the least in the building. I had the credential in my hand. I had every reason on paper to expect I would be fine.

None of that touched the feeling of being at the bottom again on purpose. Being last, in a room where I used to be first, by my own choosing.

But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.”Mark 10:31 (BSB)

I did not read that verse at the time as a promise about me. I am not sure it is one. But I know the shape of the sentence now from the inside — the going down first, on purpose, without the guarantee of where it lands.

Coming in low felt like exposure even when I had every reason to expect otherwise. I did it anyway. That is the part that was faith.

That is the whole week, in the one room of mine I will tell you about. James and John wanted the seats on either side and never saw the cross in the middle. The man Monday let the credit stay wrong. The woman Tuesday served under the one who got her role. Wednesday stepped out of the family contest. Thursday took the back row where he used to lead. Friday served from the top instead of guarding it.

Five rooms, one move. Go back in, and go in low. Not because you are weak. Because that is where the strength turned out to be the whole time.