By Name · Week 3 · Wednesday · DEPRESSION
He has been retired two years. For most of that time he went to a men’s breakfast every Thursday at a diner off the highway. Same booth, same six guys, same waitress who stopped bringing menus a long time ago.
Six weeks ago he stopped going.
There was no reason he could point to. One Thursday he just did not feel like it. Then the next one. He tells himself they do not need him. He tells himself he is tired of eggs. Most days he does not leave the house until his wife asks him to run to the store, and some days not then.
Elijah left his servant behind
There is a detail in the Elijah story that is easy to read past.
And Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there,1 Kings 19:3 (BSB)
Before he ever got to the tree, before he said a word to God, he left his servant behind in Beersheba. Whatever was coming, he went into it alone.
I think that is how this voice works. It does its best work when nobody else is in the room. Alone, it gets to say whatever it wants and nobody argues: they do not need you, you would just bring them down, they have not even noticed you are gone.
For if one falls down, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to help him up!Ecclesiastes 4:10 (BSB)
But the six guys had noticed. Two of them had texted. He had not answered.
He went back
This Thursday he went back. He almost turned around in the parking lot. He walked in twenty minutes late, and the booth went quiet when he sat down.
One of them, the one he has known longest, said, where have you been?
He could have said busy. He told the truth. That he has not been doing well. That he has not wanted anybody to see it. That he is not sure what is wrong.
What it cost: walking back into a room that had gone on without him. A table that went quiet. A friend who did not know what to say and said something clumsy about retirement being hard on everybody. It was the longest breakfast of his life.
After, in the parking lot, the same friend asked if he had talked to his doctor. He had not. He said he would. That was the second hard thing that morning.
That voice lies best when nobody else is in the room.
He went back the next Thursday too.
If you are thinking about ending your life, please tell someone today. In the US, call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Outside the US, findahelpline.com lists free lines in your country. If you are carrying depression, a counselor can help you carry it.
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